Solitude or Loneliness?

It’s been years since I’ve set eyes again on this digital diary. Okay, you caught me. It hasn’t really been years, but probably a little over a year? Maybe? Honestly, I even forgot about the name of my own site. How careless of me. Well, here I am typing my sins away. Downing glass after glass of cheap red wine. I sit down here at a stranger’s desk, opening up a very dusty, rusty place inside of me. I stab the keyhole with the only set of keys that I somehow swallowed whole back in the day. I dare not imagine how I still have a copy of these keys. But hey, I have it in my hand. I’m drunk. I want to open this dusty old wooden cabinet. Again, it’s been years since I saw the contents of said cabinet. I do not even remember what’s inside. Dark secrets perhaps? I hope they’re juicy enough. As I twist the lock, my heart tightens. Someone (or something) has grabbed a hold of it. I feel it. My heart pulsing, dropping a beat fast enough for the techno world. It feels tighter and more contracted. I bite my lips, hold my breath, and I push through. I open the lock. My chest pounds through my dress. Beads of cold sweat form against my skin. My breath, short and fluctuating. I focus. I gather all ounce of strength I had within me to swing the creaky cabinet doors wide open. A cloud of dust greeted me, as I coughed at them. I look inside, through the contents of the cabinet. And, I finally realize what I had put inside. Nothing. Everything froze within and around me. The beads of sweat frozen in place. My chest still as metal. My heart suspended. I can’t breathe. Silence envelopes my entire being. I can’t move. Panic sets in. I dart my eyes, grasping to look elsewhere. Suddenly, I hear a faint ringing. A bell, perhaps? I focus on the only sound I can hear, fighting my way through the paranoia that is about to engulf me. I listen more closely. I hear it. It’s getting louder. I can feel it.The sounds is getting closer. It’s getting warmer. Is it the sun? Is there a window near me? I can sense some sort of heat emanating from somewhere. Somehow, I am starting to melt. I feel a warm glow come towards me. I don’t understand. What is this? Where is this coming from? It’s getting warmer. Again, I muster all my strength to look away from the rusty old wooden cabinet. Then I realize, I wasn’t alone. Arms were enveloped around me. It felt familiar. The scent and feel of these arms were from someone I know. I close my eyes and embrace the feeling. This feeling of familiarity. This feeling of home. This feeling of hope. I now remember that you were there. You have always been there.

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