Pre-eminent Survival.

Sometimes, I get overwhelmed with the feeling that I am very lucky, that nothing could go wrong. Like, I am on the peak of my happiest place – my Nirvana.

Right now, this is exactly what I am experiencing. This sort of adrenaline rush that pulses through my veins. It’s not that my heart is racing; it is more of being high and relaxed.

But then, things can go downhill from here. It’s as if I am on top of the hill where everything is nice and pretty, but then I look down and see the sharp thorns and jagged rocks down at the bottom where I have to cross to reach the higher hill next door. I suddenly feel the icy teardrop sliding down my spine. I know what’s going to happen next. I need to muster all the courage that I have to take the plunge. I know that I can never stay on top of this little hill forever. I must find higher ground. I have to embark on this new path. As I descend down this hill, things will run smoothly (I hope). Gravity and motion should be enough for now since I have to reserve my strength for the obstacles ahead. Right when I hit the lowest part of the valley, I am probably going to experience frustration and intimidation all the same time. I am going to experience what Barbara Krueger keeps saying in her Exhibit in Hirshhorn: Belief + Doubt = Insanity. So yes, I will probably experience that down there. However, I will most likely decide to climb up to the top of that tall steep hill because I have made a decision, and I hate quitting.  I will have to go against the pull of gravity on this one. I have to reach this feat. I will never back down.

I know what I have to do to get to the next hill. I can already see it from where I am. I am ready for the bumps and obstacles in the path, even those hidden booby traps. I am ready for what’s coming for me. I have a plan. I am ready for this.

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