Today, I had a little chat with a friend.
It was good. We had a really nice chat, or maybe I had a very interesting monologue. I don’t know. Choose your poison. Either way, I guess I ended up clarifying some things that were running through my head – some doubts, maybe. But in the end, I was left with huge question: “do I think it’s worth it?”
I kept thinking about that question hanging over my head as my friend left. It was odd, I didn’t know how to answer that question. There are too many uncertainties and volatility involved. You could say that there are countless of greek letters – the sigmas and alphas – of the equation. So, I was keen on wanting to know what the other side looks like first before answering that question myself. You know, acquiring as much intel as possible before plotting your next move.
Anyway, shortly after my friend left, my dad called. And, we had a really good and rather long conversation as well. It was not about the topic my friend and I were discussing. It wasn’t even close. But the parallels and similarities of the two problems posed in both discussion were pretty synchronized. My dad and I mainly talked about grad school and future plans for myself. Maybe that’s where I’m mostly confused. I don’t know how I will react if the future does not happen my way. I’m pretty much concerned with making it as perfect as possible. But, my dad did remind me that it will happen. I can make it to grad school and the post-grad school life I want. It’s worth the hard work, sacrifice, and the occasional meltdown. It’s worth all of that to reach my goals and dreams.
But to go back to the same question to the first problem, “do I think it’s worth it?” I don’t know. Maybe. For the most part, the experience of it counts. I have no idea how it’ll end up. In this scenario, I really can’t control anything but myself. But, a part of me does say, “it is worth it.” A little part says, “enjoy it while it lasts.” So, maybe this song will end. Maybe, the song will change its tune. Maybe, this song will actually stick and create its own genre. Who knows. All I know is that I’m in it for the ride. No matter how erratic and frequent the ups and downs may be, I am not getting off. Well, maybe only until it doesn’t throw me off the ride. But, my seatbelt is fastened and I’m pretty much ready for anything.