Mental Collapse.

Hello, mental/emotional breakdown.

I was expecting you to come visit last week, and you did. But now, you’re still here? Why? Can you just leave me alone, please?

And he (my breakdown) says, “well maybe it’s because you’re pretty much by yourself all the time. Who’s gonna be there to keep you company, but me?”

I don’t know. I don’t have anymore stories left. I don’t have anything right now. All I know is that I’m doing all these things out of pure responsibility. Where’s the fun of it all? I don’t know where it went – fun. It seemed to have completely vanished from thin air.

Stop reminding me that it’s all my fault, breakdown. I know that. Every thing bad that has happened to me has been nothing but my fault. I know, I’m not thinking properly right now. But, I just need you to leave me alone, breakdown. Please. I’m begging you. Don’t break out the pity party.  You know how much I hate having those.

Then again, it’s actually nice to have someone to cry on.
No… No. I have to be stronger than that. I can’t. I don’t think I can afford it, being spoiled like that. I have to be so much stronger than what I am now. If this is only the start of the climb for my life, I have to push on. No regrets. Live life, that’s what I should always say. Hakuna matata, that’s what my dad says.

It’s funny. I’m listening to somewhat sad songs in korean. I’m not entirely sure if it’s sad, I just saw them on the status mag website. And for some odd reason, typing this all out while having that very mellow, depressing background music and a couple glasses of wine seems to make my mental/emotional breakdown come to a close. I’m slowly recovering from the damage done. Okay, the chain of events that are happening in this blog entry are not what it seems. I’ve been actually typing this for a good hour or so. So no, I’m not immensely bipolar. It’s just that things happen. And when they all happen all at once, I just want to completely shut down. Restart, if you call it. Also, typing it all out gives me some sense of closure and reason without actually talking to about someone. Talk about saving me the embarrassment of actually being irrational and illogical in front of someone. I can’t really explain myself well in front of anyone anyway. Speaking of, for no apparent reason that I can think of, I could not speak/communicate properly today. I guess I am really due for that complete shut down.

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