Tides.

It’s funny, my friend was right. It’s so much easier to write about things when you’re not happy about something. But then, he challenged me to come up with something when I am happy.

I don’t know.

Being happy is not what I am right now, I guess. I’m not really feeling anything but tiredness numbing my whole body. Maybe it’s because I’m really just actually tired. Either that or I actually exerted a lot of emotional effort a while ago.

I suppose you could say that today has been an emotional day for me and the people around me right now. It’s interesting. I did an activity where we actually had to open up and be vulnerable with each other. It strikes me as intriguing when we did that. I learned and understood them in a completely different level. It was an eye-opener. At the same time, it felt like some sort of self-discovery too. It was hard to open up in the first place. Wow, it really was off from my comfort level, which did lead me to be somewhat emotionally disconnected, meaning I just turned the switch off and look at things in a very logical, systematic manner. Everyone was being more emotional than what I expected it to be, while I felt like I was just observing everyone from outside the bubble. I mean, I was part of everything, but it just felt like I wasn’t connecting with them at a certain level. I would just look at them and absolutely feel nothing. This reminded me of what my other friend told me years back. He told me how scary it was that I can just turn my emotions off whenever I want. I mean, of course I do have some kind of emotion, but I really just don’t want it that much. It’s very volatile and irrational for my taste.

I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me. I just like to see things in a very systematic manner. But,  I do understand that that doesn’t happen all the time. I mean, there are exceptional situations, but mostly, I like seeing things logically – something I can understand very easily.

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