Double Integration

I must say that I’m quite jealous.

My roommate for the weekend is talking to her long-distance boyfriend, while I’m here incapable of keeping a constant communication with mine. Terrible, is it not? Some say it’s bullshit too. I don’t know. I’m walking under a very dark cloud right now. I have no idea what it will be like at the end of the storm. Will I make it? Who knows.

Lately, a thought has been following me like a little lost puppy. It just wouldn’t go away. I read something last week about long distance relationships. It’s about having the mixed feelings of love, longing, and resentment. So far, I’ve been in this roller coaster. All of those three feelings. It’s making my tummy twirl. Making me feel light-headed at times. But I guess that comes with the package/contract. Every relationship is different. But what is mine? How do I describe my relationship in very distinct, dynamic detail? I don’t know yet.

But I am counting down the days until you come down to Texas. Every morning, I would check the date and be like a human timer, telling myself how many days I have until I see you. Right now, I have 17 – a little bit more than two weeks. Almost there, Bev. I really wish we’re in the same timezone though. It might make things a little easier. Then again, I wish we have more time to spend together.

But, if you do happen to read this entry, please tell me: why are you in this relationship with me even if we’ve only known each other less than a year? I know my answer. I’ll tell you when you tell me.

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