Cracklings.

It’s been a while since I’ve actually had the time to update this. My memoir of constant nuisance. I can’t even explain to you what that means, but I just had a gut feeling of putting those words together.

So what have I been up to lately?
A lot.

I can’t believe I’m admitting this but I am genuinely tired. I miss my 30-minute naps. Those things kept me through the week. Let alone the day. Now, my responsibilities are piling up. Just like how the american saying goes: did I take more than I can chew? I’m not particularly certain about how that saying exactly goes but that’s what popped up in my head. Whatever.

I’m pretty impressed at how I managed to finish a lot of things in a short period of time. I just had to sacrifice little things here and there. I have to be more disciplined than I am now. But wait, what am I talking about? I don’t feel disciplined whatsoever. I swear, I think I’m more organized and responsible a few years ago. Now, ever since I moved to this apartment, everything is just a big mess. I feel like I’m in this constant cycle of putting things away then feeling the need to fill up the void with crap. It’s basically keep things. Put more stuff in empty area. Repeat until you don’t have any places left to keep things. In that case, that calls for the goodwill chore, meaning I have to sift through all my things and figure out which ones to give away or keep. Such a tedious task that I never ever want to reach. On top of that, I am stressed with financial issues. I am seriously on a very tight budget. I don’t even know why I asked my dad for some SOS in this department. I knew that he would never ever help me with this. The more he knows about who I really am and how I actually live my life, the more he’s reluctant to help me in this scenario. It’s not really that I live lavishly. I just tend to splurge such as food and alcohol. Nothing too big. Okay, that made me sound like an alcoholic. But no. It’s just there is a huge economic industry on alcohol. It is really expensive. I’m pretty happy with my friends who give me liquor for free. I save it and just buy mixers to mask the poison.

But the biggest point of this story is that I still can’t believe James is coming to visit me in less than a month. He already booked the flight. But, I don’t think it has sunk into me yet. A part of me still thinks that this is all a joke and he’s not really coming. But then, April fools is still far-a-ways. I don’t know. I guess the only time I’m sure he’s coming is when I pick him up from the airport. So am I excited? Yes. But not so much that I’m getting my hopes skyrocket through the roof and through mother nature’s ozone layer. I don’t know. I’m hoping that he does come. But it still feels surreal for me.

Speaking of relationships and whatnot, I feel like I’ve been a little too talkative in that department. Okay, that might be an understatement. But, whenever we talk it’s just that I tend to go on and on and on about whatever it is I’m thinking about. It’s kind of like typing this blog right now. I just let the thoughts pour out of me. I feel like I never give him time to talk about how he is and stuff like that. Every time we do a little skype date, I always keep a mental note to let him talk about himself. But no, a habit’s a habit. I have to try harder because seriously, I feel like I don’t know what he’s up to or what he’s actually doing or even how he is really. I don’t know. I feel like I have the responsibility to know how he is just so I know what to do in certain cases. I don’t know. We’ll see. I’m scheduled for a skype date this Saturday. I’m pretty excited, but at the same time, it is a huge tease to see your boyfriend virtually and not do anything about it. It’s like looking at your favorite food (or whatever) through a glass window, and you know you can’t get it. But, you still keep looking with your mouth watering. It’s sheer torture, I tell you. But whatever. This is the fine print in the contract I signed. The consequences and disadvantages of a long distance relationship.

Seriously, my thoughts are running wild right now, and I can go on and on and on. But, I daresay I must stop right now. For the major reason that my nose is on the verge of bleeding. And that I have to sleep and rest. Catch a little bit of R&R while I still can.

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