In the Line of Fire.

Ah, that fuzzy feeling I get after watching a good light-hearted movie.

I just saw the movie, Ruby Sparks (2012), a while ago. And, I must tell you that it left a rather happy impression on me. Finally, a movie that can break through the thick cynical walls. Of course, I’m inspired to write now since it is a movie about a writer. But no, it isn’t going to be fiction as his. It’s not even going to be anything serious. It’s just going to be my usual blog posts.

Anyway, I’m enjoying the company of myself. No, I’m not lonely. There is a certain air in enjoying your own company. With my red wine and Salpicao, I’m pretty happy and contented. It’s just like what I’ve been dreaming of. And of course, there’s french music in the background thanks to Francoise Hardy.

While watching the movie, I thought to myself that I want to experience that high from falling in love again. It doesn’t have to be with anyone else, but with you – it’s just you. I just want to enjoy and act carefree falling in love. The only thing that’s holding me back with that is fear. Just with the Spiderman quote: “with great power comes great responsibility.” I don’t want to have the exact same kind of sadness/depression that comes with that elevated feeling of ecstasy. But, for some reason, I want to run wild crazy with you. Even if it’s just for one night, then we could go back to normal. I just want to create that memory for us, I guess. That sudden rush of excitement while realizing that I don’t want to experience this moment with anyone else. Something like that. I want to slow dance with you. I want to run down the streets at night with you. I want to feel how fun life is with you. It could all go back to normal the next day, but do give me that one night once in a while.

On another note, I must admit this fact that I was talking to Viktor – my ex – right before the movie. Yes, he is in Paris. Nothing too serious. We were just talking like old friends. Nothing to worry about. We haven’t talked in months. But, the shocking epiphany I had was that while I was talking to him, I realized that I wanted you. Not him. You.  I realized you were better than him by even more than mile. I realized how happy I was with you. Of course, we had our moments back in the day. But, the possibilities with you are endless – well, assuming you would still want me after all this time. I am dead serious though. I realized how I couldn’t care less about him at that point. I realized how I didn’t care for him as much as I used to. I realized how it’s you who I’ve been thinking of most of the time. You must be wondering why I’m shocked at this epiphany. Well, I must confess that ever since I met you – or even before that – I would always ask myself who would I go for given the situation that I have to choose between him or you – or some other guy. In the early parts of knowing you, I’d go for him instinctively. I didn’t know you before. But now, it’s different. I’d choose you. I guess I gradually fell for you. Just by being you. Just by how we are. I love how we are, by the way. I know you’re thousands of miles away from me, but I am falling for you nonetheless. Yes, I am being a girl by saying these things, but it’s true. I miss you. Again, I don’t want anyone, not even Viktor, but you. I want you, damn it.

PS. I hope you wouldn’t take any of these things against me. It’s my blog. I have no idea if you’re going to read it someday or not. But, I just want you to know how much I like you. How much I want you. Selfish as it may seem, I want you all to myself. I’m not really good at sharing, you see. I hope you don’t get overwhelmed by the sudden surge of blatant truth I’m expressing.

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