Finally, I’m back to my room. I’m typing with only the light from my lampshade while the record player turns producing the soothing ambiance to match the mood. I’m in my zen right now. Nothing but pure constant bliss. Right now, I can honestly say I’m happy. It’s one of those moments where you can say you’re happy. But then, the most ironic thing is that once you realize you’re happy, discontentment sets it. So just by saying I’m happy, I automatically trigger my subconscious mind to find what’s wrong with the picture. I think that’s how society has shaped our mind – my mind, at least.
Right now, a very destructive thought sets in. It goes along the lines: “I don’t really know how this will work.” The only answer I can come up with is that I just need to have a little faith and trust. As much as I’d love to elaborate on this topic, I don’t really want this thought to evolve into an epidemic in my brain, which would lead to disrupting my intuition. I made my decision, and I will stay committed. No matter what happens on the other side of the world, I guess I’ll just have to always think of the brighter things in life. I’ll just have to be positive with it. I can’t let doubt/worry/concern to cloud my vision. To hinder me with the possibilities of greatness. But, I do sometimes wonder if it’s worth it? They are creeping in, thoughts like: what if nothing happens in the long-run and we move on as if we never existed. What’s the point in all of this? Not just to what’s happening now, but to life in general. I don’t really know. Maybe I’m questioning the idea of existence, who knows. I should just forget this post never happened. Again, I should just cling on to that shred of faith I have. The rocky foundation isn’t strong enough to walk on, let alone, stand on. I’ll just have to use all my strength to hold on to that rope of possibilities hoping that when I do decide to let go and jump, I won’t stumble, fall, and regret everything.