I Am So Appalled.

Blah, don’t talk to me whatsoever, you little piece of —- . Don’t even open your mouth. I am completely and absolutely frustrated at you. Maybe I’m tired. Maybe I’m stressed. Maybe it’s because this was not a good idea to begin with. I should’ve backed out when I had the chance. Yes, the thoughts running through my head are infuriating. I am so appalled. Let me take a few steps back, and regroup myself. Deep breaths. In. Out. In. Out. Okay, I’m a tad better. But, I am still irritated, nonetheless. This is senseless. I’m senseless, right now. This is nothing more than a burst of emotions. Let me blame this on stress, anxiety, and pressure. But still, I feel the need to vent. At times like this, I could just freely call my kung fu friend who’s on speed dial. But, I am locked inside a bubble. A prison, I tell you. All communication must be kept at a minimum. Why did I use my phone for searching nonsensical stuff? That left me helpless in the face of insanity. Yes, my phone died, which did not allow me to contact my kung fu shrink of a friend, whatsoever. Idiot. That’s who I was a while ago. An idiot. I was watching the sky change color, while I daydreamed about long walks, good food, and lots of photos. But no, I have to get here in the hotel and realize what I just realized. And no, it’s not even close to Colbie Caillat’s song. What I feel right now is more of the frustrations of a kid opening a matryoshka doll. Opening the doll one by one. Getting smaller each time. And by the time the kid reaches the last doll, he opens it to find absolutely nothing. So again, blah. Don’t pester me with your complaints. Like what Lykke Li said: I am not the complaint department. Go have fun. Leave me alone. I can manage. And yes, this is the insecurity and anxiety talking. Do not latch out on me. Blame it on fate. Demand why things ended up like this. Search for the answers. Just let me bury myself in books and booze. Please.

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