Desperate Inertia.

It’s been almost a month since I last saw you. And to be honest, I’ve only missed you so much around this time. It might sound horrible but, I do need you. Not in a very needy way. I just need to talk you or something. I’m just tired. I’ve been very active and busy lately that I want someone to give me a refreshing point of view on life. And yes, I am intoxicated right now. Plus, my hormones are reaching a new level. Maybe that’s one of the reasons why I miss you. I really don’t know. I mean, we were never attached to each other just because we both knew this was going to end anytime soon. We never took that extra risk of being vulnerable. We protected ourselves. I’m pretty much okay with that. But, sometimes I wish that you would step up and tell me straight on that you want me and no one else. As much as I’m annoyed and frustrated by you, I still want you. How weird is that? I mean, I don’t really feel that we’re meant to be but, there’s something there. Maybe. I have no idea. Maybe you’re not the one for me. Maybe it’s someone else. I really don’t know. I’m barely 21. I have my whole life ahead of me. You have your whole life ahead of you. But, I still want someone to be there for me. Someone who’s going to accept me for who I am. For God’s sake, I am 21. I think I have to start building a relationship, no? What do you think? I think that you cannot care less about me. Oh well… I guess that’s how guys are wired. I’m probably have not healed enough to give you my heart but, only say the word and I’ll wait for you. I want to say that ‘I love you.’ But, that might be a lie ’cause I feel like I know you but not fully. I can say that ‘I want to love you.’ I really do. You just have to show me that you love me back. You can say that I’m scared of being vulnerable again. I hate that feeling. The feeling of uncertainty. The feeling that I give you authority to break my heart. I’ve done that. It didn’t end well. Plus, I always think that people forget me very easily. I hate that thought. Then again, you’re a guy. You’re wired to move on pretty quickly. Sucks for me, right? This is horrible. I wish you’re here with me. It doesn’t have to be physical presence but, I just want you to show me that you still care about me and that I am special. With that, I am yours. I want you to be mine. There’s no guarantee that we’ll last. But, we could try, couldn’t we?

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4 Responses to Desperate Inertia.

  1. Zac says:

    Im really not very good at writing these types of things, but I just wanted to start by saying you were right. You were right when you said I protected myself, you were right when you said I am just fairly intelligent ;), you were right when you said I am a bit dorky and you would normally be right in saying that I do move on quickly from people, except in this situation. Over my very few years, I have met and had great times with people from around the world, and yet, as you have correctly guessed, all these people have appeared to me as nothing more than passing acquaitances. Until I met you, I felt as though travelling was my only purpose in life and the people I met were only a way to know the town or a means to have a good time. But, you, you turned my world upside down and changed my opinion on what it means to meet and fall in love with someone (and yes you would correctly label this as cheesy, but honestly I don’t care). I wish we had had more time together, because I really am horrible at expressing my feelings. (and yes I did just use a double had), but meeting and spending time with you was one of the greatest moments in my life and I just wish I had been smart enough to realize it earlier. Reading your post just now of when you had first met me feels like a deja vu moment, because honestly thats exactly how I remember that night, except the female version ;)) meeting a beautiful, intelligent, witty girl and wishing that I would get to meet and spend many more nights together with her. One night, when I was really drunk, I think I remember playing you a horrible cover of Not in love, I just wanted to clarify now, that nearly every lyric sung in that song was the opposite of how I feel, and I miss you more than anything in the world and if its not too late to answer your question I want to try, I do want you all to my own, and I promise never to forget you.
    Zac

  2. Zac says:

    BTW, Ive watched your video about 10 times now, and I really feel its the most heartfelt and beautiful present anyone has ever given to me

  3. Zac says:

    OK, that last comment about the video is really cheesy!!, Why can’t I delete comments????

    • verushchka says:

      I don’t think you can delete that. I think I’m the only one who can do that. Plus, I just found out that I can edit your comments. How weird is that. Lol. Don’t worry, I wouldn’t change a thing.

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