The feeling of guilt and remorse is still dangling over my head like Chuck Palahniuk’s invisible carrot.
As I strolled along the places we used to go to, I can’t help but feel the pangs of the what-ifs and should’ve-beens. The exact same feeling right at the pit of my stomach seems to percolate. Only now, I have someone else. Someone similar yet completely different at the same time. Someone better, I hope. But, at the end, he will still leave. Like what you did. Exactly what you did. I am not expecting anything anymore. No more sorry, goodbyes. No more hopeless cravings for your attention. No. None of that. At least, not with this other person. Yes, this one could be special. If and only if, he wanted to be.
As I stumbled at the exact same spot where we took our first picture together, I was amazed how a year has gone by so quickly. I already stopped thinking about you. It was hard at first, but you made it easier for me. Not responding. Not giving me closure. I was pretty much okay with having to break over the issue of having a long distance relationship. I really just wondered if you even cared at all.
All those days, weeks, months collecting little things here and there. Just to give you the slightest idea of how I felt . Well, that’s over and done with now. You never once tried to smooth things over with me. You left me hanging above the jagged rocks that lined the edges of the pit we call ‘love.’ This new person could be trying to pull me into safety. Or maybe it was because I screamed for help, and that he wanted to be my white knight. Who knows.
All I know is that, as I walked down the streets where I fell in like with you, I fell in like with someone else. Or so it would seem.