Defy Past Experiences.

“Did you ever wake up with the feeling that something really special happened the night before? But you can’t remember what, where or who with. Like when you fall in love in your dreams and that feeling stays with you the day after. Even though you know that person doesn’t exist. (Axl, Unmade Beds. 2009).”

Have I woken with certain feeling that something amazing happened the night before? Yes. But, I can’t remember? No. I have remembered every single moment last Friday night. That was the night I met James – let’s call him that. I fell in like, once more. This time, a few days before Valentine’s Day.  The day where I go on a movie date with myself. That part has become a little tradition of mine. It’s to keep my insanity intact.

Anyway, I saw James at a party. He came with the person I invited to come. I saw him at once, and immediately thought he was interesting. He’s tall but not freakishly tall. He has dark brown hair and emerald eyes. He’s pretty lanky. In short, he looked a tad dorky – just no black-rimmed glasses. But, it was exactly what triggered my interest in him. I talked. He talked. We talked. I found out he was extremely witty and sarcastic, which are valuable traits to appease my humor. He was fairly intelligent and well-cultured as well. Overall, he was the definition of my ideal guy.

He stayed longer. We hung out. We went off to our little adventures along with our friends. It was fun. We were all intoxicated. We were all experiencing a good time. A friend, though, kept teasing us. I folded. I grabbed his head and, smack, kissed him. He barely kissed me back.

My friend who was driving took us to a fast-food chain. Everyone was absolutely starved. James and I ended up sharing a plate of omelette and pancakes. Though I was hungry, I didn’t finish any of it. I was too tired. Everyone was tired, but still made it worthwhile. Then, we stood up. Paid our bills. Drove home. We dropped James off at his place. My old apartment complex. A place filled with memories. I watched him walk down the side of the parking lot to his apartment. The image of him walking away. Growing smaller and smaller with each step. Right there and then, I experienced déjà vu. Only this time it was James. And only this time do I have another chance.

Like when you fall in love in your dreams and that feeling stays with you the day after. Even though you know that person doesn’t exist? The person did exist. Even if it was for a few hours. Even if it was just for a night. A night where the moonlit sky glistened with stars. Where the freezing air only made our contact a little better. It was a night of fun. It was a night where I might have realized that someone could potentially be better than the old one.

Now, a couple of hours further, it will be Valentine’s day. Will I be able to talk with James? Go on a date with him? Watch a movie? Sip on wine? Most probably not. But at least, he exists nearby. Tomorrow is not the day for him. Valentine’s day will always be a date with myself.

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